Seasons, LifePlan and the Journey

I am motivated by having a plan. 

LifePlan gave me that…a plan.

I am stoked beyond measure to build my discipline and daily habits so that I can successfully navigate my LifePlan journey.  I’ve begun to develop those habits with daily early morning exercise, clean eating (though I’m still lacking discipline in completely cutting sugar out of my life!), time to read or write every day, weekly dates with the hubby, making a plan to proactively be a good steward with my talents in reading, teaching, coaching and leadership, preparing my mindset to add worklife back to the mix….all while balancing motherhood (which has more demands than ever now since my husband is starting his own business).

Truth be told, after I became a mother, I always felt a sense of guilt….when I was fully devoted mentally and physically to work, I felt guilty because I wasn’t with my son.  When, I was at home, fully devoted to family, I felt guilty I wasn’t working.

It’s interesting. I had a chat with a co-worker this last year who is also a mother.  Her kids are teenagers, so I asked her “Does the guilt ever go away?”  It seems, as a mom, you’re always feeling guilty about something. At least I was. It was her experience that the guilt is always there.

I put that conversation in the back of my mind because something didn’t set right with me.

But, if I ask myself why I feel this way (guilty)….it’s likely tied to my high need for achievement….and not just average achievement, the yearning to go beyond average.  After learning in LifePlan, that this yearning was tied to my root system, a root system where I had to work my tail off just to break so many cycles–poverty, unhealthy relationships and an unhealthy mindset.  This meant working three jobs while going to college full time.  There are reasons in my childhood that caused me to tie my self worth to achievement. Thus, when I wasn’t achieving, in my eyes at least, I struggled.

I still have a high need to achieve, but it’s not tied to my self worth.  This is key to the success of my LifePlan, particularly as a working mother.

The reality is this: My current season of life requires me to balance, the best I can, at least. (Are we ever truly balanced?!)   The reality is I have a three-year-old that demands my attention and, just as importantly, he won’t always be three.  Someday I’ll miss this time.

Despite how much I want to be awesome at every area of my LifePlan, I have to proactively give myself grace that the level I want to move forward at may not be there in all areas.

And, that’s okay.

But, see, there’s even a problem in that…it’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey.

Do I still battle guilt, at times?  Sure, I do.  But, that’s emotion.  What I know to be true is what I learned in LifePlan. My self worth doesn’t come from where I am at in “accomplishing” my LifePlan.

And, I don’t have to be guilty, because I’m on a journey (that has different seasons).  A journey, I might add, where I determine where my time is spent.

My season in life is what it is.  My LifePlan is my guide….and my LifePlan is a journey.

 

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About Annie Palmer

Wife. Mother. Learner. Coach. Becoming better today than I was yesterday and better tomorrow than I am today.

Posted on July 2, 2015, in Before LifePlan, Continued Growth, Emotions, Goals, habits, leadership, Post LifePlan, Self Worth and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Really interesting. I wonder, also, if this is an issue specifically for mothers. One of my mentors is a father of two and I asked him how he manages his time between his business and his family. He said he doesn’t have much of a problem. When he is at work, he is FULLY in work mode, and when he is at home, he is FULLY in family mode. Maybe he’s just an anomaly, or maybe it is based somewhat on sex. Interesting!

    Like

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