Monthly Archives: August 2015
I am the writer of my life.
I have choice in my setting.
I choose the home I live in, based on my values of living debt free and close to family.That means I am choosing to not live in my dream home yet.
I choose my place of refueling–outside, in the solitude and quietness of the morning.
I choose the place where my talents benefit others. For now, that is a school setting, and specifically in a classroom so that dialogue about students can take place with teachers.
I choose the characters written in my story.
I choose my significant other who I will walk through life with. I choose him daily because of who he is. I choose him in the good times and bad.
I choose to bring children into our life. I choose to make our son one of the most important people we pour into.
I choose my mentors, both face-to-face and the ones found in books and virtually. That means being proactive about contacting mentors of my past. And pursuing mentors of my present.
I choose my friends, who add value, joy and connectedness in my life.
I choose my mastermind, a group of ladies who hold me accountable and celebrate my successes.
Within the pages of my book is the plot of my life, constantly being reaped in the small habits that I partake in.
Sure, I didn’t choose my very beginning, the family I was reared in or their values. But, I did choose to allow them to impact me in a positive way or not to allow them to impact me in a negative way.
I chose to study hard, work hard and be my own person in my K-12 education and athletics.
I choose to exercise on a consistent basis.
I choose gratitude in the small moments of the day.
I choose to lead myself and thus lead others.
I choose to see the beauty in the pain.
I choose to see the beauty in others and in myself.
I chose humbleness and confidence.
I choose courage to be honest with myself.
I choose grace.
I choose to believe that I have significance that is special and unique and will lead to the climax of my story.
I am the writer of my life…and look at the degree of choice I have in it all.
That’s what I heard on my drive to work as I contemplated what small thing I could do that day that would have a big impact on my ability to lead others.
“Lead me.” I wondered, at first, would that be “enough.” to effectively lead others that day?
But, then I paused and considered some of my core values. What I believe…no, what I know to be true is that if I am living by my core values, then I am truly leading myself.
The question is this: Would that also be leading others?
Let’s consider some of my core values.
- Confidence with humility – If I exhibited confidence in the knowledge that I had, while showing humility and a growth mindset with what I didn’t know, would I be leading that day? Of course I would.
- Stewardship – If I kept a focus that day on serving others, contemplating how I could add value to their life, would that be leading others? Yes, it would.
- Authenticity – If I focused on being my true self, capitalizing on my unique strengths and knowing that who I was and what I could provide was not only “enough,” but also “effective” in my role, would that be leading others? That is also true.
- Courage – If during those times of the day when a tough decision had to be made or I had to navigate a difficult conversation or I had to have the courage to do any of my other core values, would that be leading others? It would, because a leader has to exhibit courage, even if standing alone.
After considering just these core values, it was evident to me that what I was hearing (“Lead Me”), was indeed my path to being a great leader.
If found this interesting and powerful. So much of what I listen to and read on leadership is focused on systems thinking, on navigating the personality of others, on the change process, etc. All that is important as well. But, if we’re not leading ourselves during those small moments of the day, we’re not leading.
What are your core values? Let them be your guide. Because whether you’re a leader by title or not, you are a leader in some capacity (a father, a mother, a friend, a neighbor…all our roles have a component of leadership).
We live in a society of bold statements. We like bold statements. They elicit our emotions. They give us the perception that someone is a leader. It can even yield group think.
What if, instead of bold statements, we asked more questions of ourselves, of each other, and of the ideas and beliefs we hold?
Would that not allow us to grow more? Even, if we don’t agree with the answer?
I find this to be true in my work as an instructional coach. Upon entering this field, I felt I had something to offer. I had knowledge due to my voracious reading and passion on the topic of reading and instruction. It was my opportunity to invest in others by sharing that knowledge.
I’ve learned coaching is so much more. In a nutshell, the most effective coaches ask questions. It is during these conversations that those who I coach grow the most. It’s when I don’t offer them all the answers, but allow them to do the reflecting.
Wouldn’t it be quicker to just tell them what they need to know? Sure, and sometimes the situation necessitates that. But, are we going for quicker or more effective and lasting impact? When I facilitate questioning in a way that allows them to have their own aha’s, the impact is permanent. When, I tell them what they “need” to know, the impact is short-lived.
Applying this to my personal life, I would say this. I could easily make bold statements about who I am and the beliefs that I hold. But, there’s no growth in that, because I’m discussing the truths I already know or the truths as I currently understand them. But, if instead of that, I challenged myself with questions about my talents, my beliefs and the direction in my life, would that not lead to more growth?
For example, I could quickly say “courage” is my top core value, because it allows me to attain my other core values. It’s a simple, yet bold statement that….stops right there.
Or, I could ask myself: How am I applying courage to my everyday life? Did I have courage when I was challenged on a topic at work? Did I have courage to address a difficult conversation with my husband. Did I have courage to entertain the possibility that I could be wrong about something? You see, it is these questions that allow growth. Not the statements.
What questions do you need to ask yourself today? What questions do you need to ask your team? What questions do you need to pose to your spouse?
Choice: One of the most powerful aspects of life.
I took part in a team building activity recently. You’ve likely heard of it. It was the trust fall. We had to stand in front of our partner and fall backwards, trusting that they would catch us. Understandably so, emotions, screams and nerves were evident in our team as we took part in the activity. Afterwards we named our emotions.
The naming of our emotions out loud is powerful.
Here’s why: If we’re honest with ourselves, how many emotions do we have throughout our day(s) that we actually address head on?
How many of those emotions do you allow to stay in the depths of who you are, only to be wrestled with and overthought to to the extent that it becomes a permanent part of who you are?
Saying the emotion out loud brings clarity. It either sheds the light on it so that you can then work through it with whomever you shared it with. Or, you see the fallacy in it.
Here’s the reality though: Naming it takes risks, because you expose yourself to others. We have such a pressure to appear strong in our society, as if we don’t have struggles in life. The real goal we should be working towards is naming those struggles, exposing our realities, so then we can overcome them. Because it is through that process that we become stronger.
Naming the emotion was step 1.
Step 2: Choose to overcome it.
In our trust fall, I had a tad amount of nervousness, but I immediately made a choice. “I’m going to remain calm and not get caught up in the emotion,” is what I said to myself. I put myself in that mindset. Does that deny the emotion? Absolutely not. It simply denied it’s ability to control me.
And, the trust fall was an activity that was much easier to embrace.
You see, it’s in those moments we are made–those moments when we’re feeling emotions (which is completely human and should be validated), we name them, and we overcome them by choice.
It is as easy as that? No, it takes practice. And, there are some emotions that will necessitate a deep reflection as to the “why” of that emotion. But, having that ability to pause in the moment, name the emotion and put it in its rightful place in your life are powerful steps to take.
What emotions have you kept hidden that you need to name? What choices do you need to make about those emotions that will allow you to overcome them?