Arms Wide Open
Six weeks ago is when it hit.
A seemingly normal Saturday morning in early October, a great morning to take in a quiet run by myself. An opportunity to slow my life down a bit after an intense couple of months.
As the day progressed, I began to feel a pressure in my head and I just felt off. I stay pretty tuned into my body, how it feels and why and I quietly said to myself “something is wrong.”
Something was wrong and it continued to worsen over the next five weeks. It seemed as each week passed new symptoms arose: back aches, numbness throughout my body, dizziness, nausea, neck pain, lethargy, sore muscles…
My day to day life honestly became the concept of “just put one foot in front of the other” all with a smile on my face. Why the smile? Because mental toughness is my go-to strategy for curve balls in life. Sure, I felt horrible, but I could overcome it with a healthy, positive and determined mental attitude.
And I did for several weeks. Then I grew tired and became downtrodden a bit. It was winning.
Or, was that not it at all?
It was at this point I opened my arms to life and said, “Okay, there’s a lesson I’m supposed to be learning here. What is it?” I said to myself “I’m willing to learn, whatever it is, just reveal yourself to me.”
There was daily physical ailments that challenged me. But, what I know to be true is this: it is during times like this that there is a deeper message to be learned. Something I wasn’t seeing. A lesson to be re-learned, perhaps.
Did I uncover some of the lesson? Sure, part of it, I did.
You see, I had gone two months with a life out of balance. There was a part of my life that demanded a lot of hours at the expense of my exercise, the time to refuel myself and life a life according to what I value most, my family. I can sit here and tell you I thought I had to. I was tasked to do something and the bottom line was it had to be done.
But the truth is that it was at an expense. I know I needed to slow down life, to refuel, to be the best me I could be for the people that mattered most, my son and husband…and me.
I wasn’t being the best me, the whole me, because of that.
I re-examined my scheduled and reprioritized my life, again. I had already started this process prior to the physical pain, but the physical pain forced me to put me first. It forced me to put only the highest priorities at the top of the list.
The physical ailments continued, but so did the reflection and, in time, a bit more balance in my life.
I do think there’s still a bigger lesson I haven’t uncovered yet. And, I may not know that for a while.
Luckily, most of the symptoms have subsided and I’ll get answers to the physical ailments soon.
But, I would end with this: I am grateful for the five weeks of pain. There are lessons in the pain. I am fully confident of that.