To the Person Who Didn’t Know We Miscarried
To the person who didn’t know we miscarried:
It’s been three months since our miscarriage and there’s still a few people who have not heard. This means there’s a few awkward moments when someone says “How are you feeling?” You know they are asking in regard to the baby that was once a part of our life.
I see the sadness in their eyes when I say with kindness and a soft voice, “We miscarried.”
They apologize and keep the conversation brief with a look of sorrow.
To that other person I say this:
Do not feel bad because we have grown from this experience.
We hurt. We cried. We mourned.
And, we moved forward. We reflected on what matters in life. We noticed how we changed by how we let this affect us. This experience made us stronger people, stronger parents, and a stronger couple.
We lead our life with continued gratitude. We see the beauty that exists as we add value to others in our career paths. We see the greatness in the small things.
We see the love in our child’s eyes.
Our son learned, because he knew of the baby. He watched us overcome heartache. He watched us move on and choose happiness. He watched us continue to add value to the world despite our sadness. He experienced our laughter despite the pain.
Our marriage grew as we turned to one another. We experience the hurt in in our own way as only a mother and father could. We experienced the pain in two very distinct ways, but we embraced it together. We talked about it. We identified the realities of our feelings and we chose to move on.
I think about the baby every now and then. The sweet name that resonated with me so deeply, Kinsley Grace, will forever be etched in my heart.
To the person that looks at us with deep sorrow when we say “We miscarried,” it is okay.
We are okay. We have been changed, but we have grown.
And, laughter and love still exists. And, we are grateful for that.